I had to go to school for years to become a dietitian. Then even when I was done there were exams to write, volunteering so that I could get more experience, and a college that I am responsible to to tell me what is and isn’t expected of me. So, when having kids I thought maybe, just maybe there would be some similar rule book involved or some parental college I would have to renew my membership to every year who would tell me whether or not I was doing a good job. But somehow nothing like that exists. So it’s no wonder that as moms and dads we sometimes have doubts as to whether or not we’re doing things “right”- because no one will actually give us a letter grade to tell us!
Which explains why parents whose kids JUST WONT EAT ask me if they’ve failed as parents. Sometimes it’s hidden with a laugh, and sometimes it’s through a shade of tears. More often than not I hear that raising a picky eater makes them feel like they have already failed as parents and failed their children. As crazy at that thought process sounds from the outside, I completely understand them.
Heck- when my colicky baby just wouldn’t stop crying there were days I felt the same way. I mean- seriously what kind of a mother can’t do something as simple as make their kid stop crying?!?! As parents we often start reflecting on the day when it “works” and when it doesn’t to see what exactly we did or didn’t do to make our kids eat, sleep, listen, or basically do whatever it is we want them to. And when they don’t we decide that we must have done something wrong and somehow we’re failing as parents if we can’t figure things out.
The fact is that (as I’ve said a zillion times before) as parents we all do the best we can. The parents who come through my door are the ones who care whether or not their kids are eating. Why? Because they generally care about their kids. So whatever choices they’ve made have come from the best of places of generally caring about their children’s well being. Have some of these choices moved them further away from their goal rather than toward it. Unfortunately yes.
Have some of their choices led to more meal time stress? Yes.
Was there any rule book that told them that the result of their choice would be more meal time stress? NO!
Do I, for one second, doubt that if there was that every parent I work with would have made another choice.
Raising a picky eater doesn’t make you any more a bad parents than having a baby with colic makes me one (or if it does then we’re at least in it together…). It makes us all parents doing the best we can with no rule book.
If you’re showing up it means you care, you’re not afraid to say that you need help and are seeking out the appropriate ways to get it. So seriously ask yourself- if that’s not good parenting then what is. It’s human to feel like were all failing at this parenting thing because little tiny beings don’t come with instruction manuals. While I can’t give you all the parenting answers (but if you have them be sure to share!) I can help you improve your meal times moving forward. And while no-one should ever be able to make you feel like you’ve failed as a parent we can work together toward having a successful mealtime experience
